Friday, 24 January 2014

Trying To Get Politicians To Listen.

Hola mi amigos.
I thought you may be interested in a letter I sent to one of the Redcliffe by-elections' candidates, Mr Len Thomas - Independent For Redcliffe. Here goes -

Hello Len. I must say that after reading the views of the various candidates, I was in agreement with yours the most. Which, I must say, surprised me. (I won't explain that).
I have one major issue at the moment, which most people seem to be glossing over. VLAD. If it were as simple as just repealing them it would be easy. But it's not. The expensive smear campaign against bikers, instigated by the Newman Government, has Redcliffe citizens jumping at ghosts. They can say in the media that VLAD is used to get rid of dangerous gangs, but the truth of the matter is that most people can't tell the difference between one biker and the next. So far, since the campaign started, I have been spat at by passing motorists, almost run off the road on five different occasions, have had abuse yelled at me by pedestrians and car drivers as well as being given the finger a lot. Now, you might say that those are ok stats for an area the size of Brisbane, unfortunately they all happened between North Lakes and Redcliffe.
I am a 49yo Ulysses member who obeys the road laws, and I am tired of being treated like pond scum by members of my own community who have taken it upon themselves to ostracize me because I ride a motorcycle.
The damage to bikers reputations is irreparable. It doesn't even seem to matter that hundreds of us go on charity drives every month. Donating our time and money to disadvantaged individuals and community projects. Positive public awareness of who we are and what we do needs to be stepped up. Please help stop this vicious discrimination. 
We are bikers. Help us, as we have helped many of you. 
Sincerely, Guy.

And his reply -
Hello Guy, I feel your pain. When elected, I will fight beside Peter Wellington to have the laws written and enforced fairly. Further, I will work to have the reputations of all bikers restored. Criminals should be prosecuted to the full extent of the law. Innocent people should be protected by the law. That is the Australian way. That is justice. That is what I believe in and will fight for.

Not really the sort of reply I was after, but it's a start. At least I may have made an impression on this one.
Time will tell. (B.T.W. Len is an ex copper. That's why I was surprised)

Hasta MaƱana. Dr Smiley.

Thursday, 23 January 2014

Vote 1 - Freedom From Tyranny.

Hello fellow plebeians.

We have a crisis in Queensland. No, it's not water shortages or bush fires or anything quite so mundane. This is a man made crisis, and I do mean MAN. One man in particular, Campbell Newman. While many know him as The Queensland Premier, I know him simply as, that conservative bastard with a Napoleon complex. Yes, you read it correctly. Many may think I am merely a citizen with a gripe. A left wing prick with nothing better to do than sit around and bitch about the rightfully elected representatives of our state. Yes, in many respects you may be right. What you may not know about me is that I am a BIKER. I am a tattooed, beard wearing, foul mouthed, loud motorcycle riding, wanker. 

This is me.

I think I heard a few brains shut down just now. For those that didn't go off to watch people embarrass themselves on YouTube, I will finish my story. Yes, I am those things. I can even be a total wanker at times. Can't we all? I am also a lot more than that. I am a concerned member of my community. I involve myself in what matters to my neighbors, like looking after their pets while they are on holiday and community watch. (The man 2 doors up said to me recently that crime in our little area is non-existent since I moved here). I participate in charity events. I also worry about what affects all our lives here. Which is ultimately why I first started paying attention to politics. I looked outside myself, really looked closely at my neighborhood. What I saw surprised me.
I live in, what can only be described as a working class, blue collar area. People here are poor, really poor. Many people had to sell their houses cheaply, just to pay off the mortgage that was slowly strangling them. Now, some actually rent the same house from the investor (who earns a 15-20% return) that bought it from them. That is truly sad. If they are lucky, one person in the house has a good job. Even so, with an average 2 adults and 3 children they are struggling just to keep their heads above water. Electricity, rent, food, clothing and petrol prices are all skyrocketing, while wages stay relatively stagnant. They are without hope of a better life and merely go through the motions day after day. There is no light at the end of the tunnel. It is utterly disheartening.
I then looked at our supposed community leaders. People who don't even live here, don't talk to the locals except in a superficial way. They have no idea what it means to live amongst this constant heart-wrenching depression. To be our elected Government representative means, owning your own business, sending your kids to a private school, living in an affluent area, driving a new car and owning your own home. These people are mentally incapable of understanding what it is like to be down and out, so how the hell are they able to represent us? I took it upon myself to have a chat with them, to try and educate them a little. It did not work. I actually think they were amused by me. At least that was the impression I got from them. Suffice to say nothing has changed around here apart from becoming worse. People are losing their jobs. The cost of living is going up and the public is growing very angry.
Which, of course brings me (finally) to Campbell Newman. This man simply doesn't care about ordinary people. He never sees them so they don't exist. He lives in an ivory tower, completely divorced from the concerns of everyday Queenslanders. He is not out of touch, no. Because you can't touch something that doesn't exist. He lives in a world where raiding the kids' money box to buy food doesn't happen. But, where fine dining, sunset cruises, Saturday theatre and a Sunday golf game with the Attorney General, are the norm. How can this man say, in all honesty, that he represents the people? It's just not true. He is the duly elected Premier, that is true. Unfortunately he was elected on a platform built of lies and deceit. Here is where many would provide evidence to support their words. I, on the other hand will simply say. Take my word for it. I do not lie, not now, nor will I ever. I used to, when I was a kid. Many of us did. Suffice to say that I learned the truth to be a far more powerful weapon when dealing with people. Most people don't like the truth, it can be painful. If you're still skeptical, which you're entitled to be, go look the facts up for yourself like I did. Don't be so fucking lazy.

This is Mr Newman.
(I am way more attractive)

I really don't know how to finish this tirade off, except to say.... Campbell Newman and all his cohorts are misleading you. They are taking your hard earned tax dollars and pissing them away. Where is the promised drop in the cost of living? What is this enormous expenditure of public money called the VLAD laws? Why don't those promised 200 jobs per day start appearing? What is a conveyancing lawyer doing holding the position of Attorney General? Why, why, why, what, what, what? You sir, are an incompetent buffoon, masquerading as a Government Official. You're personal agendas have no business here. You are put there to serve OUR needs, NOT your own, not your partys' and most certainly not your twisted view of what is right. Resign while you still have a shred of humanity left, or is too late for that?
The people are angry Campbell. The people are coming Campbell. You've squandered our patience. Your time is over!

If you are like me, if you care about Queensland, be at Emma Miller Place in Brisbane CBD, on 26th January 2014, at 11am. (at the intersection of Roma, Albert and Turbot Sts).

See you there. Guy.

Saturday, 11 January 2014

The Australian Spin

Hello again.
I have a bee under my hat and it's name is bullshit.
Let me now clarify. I really, really, really hate it, when unskilled people try to spin crap. What makes it worse is when the general public believes that crap. Without trying to sound big-headed, I am a very good spin doctor and can smell when someone is spinning garbage (called "Spin Spotting"). I myself, never lie when putting a good spin on something that would normally be seen as bad. It's not good policy to lie, because invariably, someone will catch you out. So don't. If you absolutely must, make it very small and easily hidden. Every day now, I seem to be bombarded with bad or non-existent spin doctoring. Everything from Politicians and public servants to companies and private individuals. Everyone seems to be writing their own lines, and they stink.

Now. Spinning a yarn (as we say here in Australia) is as old as the hills. Some are good at it and some suck. The mark of a really good yarn is to keep as much truth in it as possible. Keep your embellishments small. Really small. That way, if someone picks on a particular point you can usually step around the spin and direct the focus onto the truth. But what is a Spin Doctor? Well. A spin doctor is a type of PR agent. Most PR agents though, are terrible at spin, and most spinners are terrible at true PR. If you can find someone who can do both and do them well, you have a real jewel on your hands. Most people link spin doctors to Politicians, but the truth of the matter is that most politicians are egomaniac lawyers and think they can handle their own spin. It's just not true, no matter how much they lie to themselves. Some don't even have a PR rep, which is just plain stupid. A lot of good spinners are tied to companies, major corporations and the like. They handle anything from stockholders meetings to the latest oil spill. Big tobacco had many good spinners, but almost all have left that sinking ship. Spinners now play a bigger role in marketing and advertising than ever before. The ability to write good copy is an aspect of spin.

There are various types of spin or techniques that you can use. They are -

  • Using a particular phrasing that assumes unproven truths
  • The non-denial denial or non-apology apology
  • The delay (just don't wait too long)
  • You can avoid the question completely or bury the bad news (not good methods)
  • Claim that mistakes were made (the pity factor sometimes works)
  • Use misdirection and/or diversion (useful for illusionists)
  • And finally, cherry picking (only the good ones)
There are various ways to spin a yarn but I will start with my favorites. 'Cherry Picking' - It's just picking the best pieces of a story and leaving the rest. Simple. Not really useful on it's own but when incorporated with say, 'Misdirection', it becomes very sneaky. So you get "Sadly, look at what the opposition are doing. Oh! Here's a balloon! isn't that pretty?". See what I mean? 'The Delay' is useful if you know you have some good news coming up that will overshadow the bad news when you release them at the same time. Also if you have a balls-up too big to completely cover, you could use the 'Mistakes Were Made' ploy. If it's seen that you are being honest, even if it's only a small bit of earnestness, you can sometimes generate pity which can be stored like money in the bank. I think you know enough about technique, let's move on.

One thing I don't agree with is the use of Spin Doctors to create smear campaigns. I feel sullied by it. In the last election, the LNP spinners went nuts with it. I saw right through it all, but was constantly amazed at the way the general public lapped it up like an obedient mutt. On the other side, I watched the ALP spinners floundering in a vast sea of muck which eventually went right over their collective heads and drowned the lot of them.
Something I was told in marketing at college, the very first thing actually, was never shitcan the opposition. You should always open with "They're good, but WE are a gazillion times better." That should always be your starting point whenever you begin a campaign. If, however, your opponent opens with "They suck the blood from small children and kidnap old people forcing them into labor camps", all bets are off and you can start writing a campaign that will make people too scared to go with the other camp.

Fear. A powerful weapon in a spin doctors hands. It can be used in many ways, but I warn you now, karma will bite you on the arse if you use it unwisely. Fear was employed in the last Australian Federal Election, it was not used well or intelligently. Oh yes, it achieved it's goal of getting LNP into power, but in the long term you just can't sustain the fear. When that happens, people eventually look under the bed and discover that there was no boogy man after all. Then you're in trouble. If you can't devise a way to move from the fear to a positive response seamlessly, you are fucked. In the end, people will resent the fact that you made them afraid of nothing and will lynch you at the next opportunity. So. I say again. Use fear wisely, use it sparingly, and above all, use it intelligently.

I'm all typed out for now. I may come back to this subject at a later time. But then again, I may not. If you want to be a spin doctor, I say good luck to you. It's a minefield out there, one wrong step and KABLAM your career is over and you'll be flipping burgers at Macca's. To all you smiling shit-eaters out there I say, keep smiling.
But don't forget to clean your teeth!

Who loves ya' baby?
Dr Guy.

Saturday, 4 January 2014

Can you help me write up my ideas?

Picture the scene: I open an email, supposedly forwarded through professional circles. Imagine my surprise when upon perusal of said email, I find that it's from a nobody who wants to break into film and television as a creator. The gist of it was this; "I have lots of ideas that I want to put into script format. I have no writing skills. I cannot even spell PROPLY. I cannot pay you anything but, when the films are produced you may have a percentage. Yours sincerely, Com Plete Moron."

Now, can anyone tell me what is wrong with this picture? Hmmm? It never ceases to amaze me that some people can be so blatantly stupid. I have so many great ideas of my own that will probably never be produced, and here's some random wanker wanting me to spend weeks writing his up for free.

Add to all this the added insult from the person who forwarded the email to me with the message "Thought this might be up your street". I rang them thinking it was a joke. Apparently not. They were serious, and so with a hearty "FUCK YOU TOO", I hung up and deleted them from my world.

I did email the guy who wanted free script writing services, and suggested a couple of creative writing courses in his area. Also the book 'Creative Writing for Dummies' is a good standby. I don't mean to be insulting but facts is facts. If you can't write, go back to school.

It brings to mind a screenplay I wrote some eight years ago. During its six year development it went through six drafts, three final edits, a professional script adviser who recommended even more changes to scenes and plot. After all that it was finally REJECTED by the producer as "not his sort of film".

So. If anyone asks you to "help me write up my ideas for free". You may use my standard response and reply "Go To Hell!"

Sayonara, Suckers.

Thursday, 11 October 2012

How's My Driving?

Wow. Where do I start? I suppose I'll just have to get straight to the point. Queensland drivers are the worst I've ever encountered. I have been driving professionally (off and on) for about 20 years, and have done so in every state in Australia. In that time I've seen some pretty bad drivers doing some real bonehead things. Most Queensland drivers behave that way all the time. Examples? OK.
  1. Roundabouts - If they think they can make it through they just go for it, without indicating or incorrect use of indicators. They never give way to the right if they can help it.
  2. Traffic Lights - Amber means floor it. Red is just a slightly darker Amber.
  3. Courtesy - Nonexistant. Make sure you get as close to the car in front so that asshole in the merging lane can't get in. Right? Nope, wrong again.
  4. Common Sense - None. Cutting in front of that truck just before the red light you're stopping at is not a clever thing to do. Your rear number plate won't look good embedded into the back of your head.
  5. Commodores - If you own a Holden Commodore you have made it to the top of the Fuckwit pile. Queensland Commodore drivers are the very worst in the universe. Especially 'P' platers.
  6. Unroadworthy cars - I have never seen so many crapboxes on the road except in Queensland. Bald tires, fucked shocks, rust holes you can put your hand through, oil dripping constantly from the engine. smoke pouring out the exhaust. Just to name a few. Pathetic.
  7. Speeding - Everyone in Queensland breaks the speed limit. The only exeptions to the rule are, if they see a speed camera ahead, if there's a cop car in the vicinity or school zones (because of the speed cameras that may be lurking).
  8. Texting - This is mainly young women doing this but I have seen some guys doing it too. Braindead morons.
  9. Loud Music - Make sure that everyone within a five mile radius can hear what crap taste you have in music. Also good for drowning out the sound of those annoying emergency vehicle sirens.
  10. (Last but not least) Oversize Cars (e.g.4x4's) - These bloated, overweight heaps of garbage shouldn't be allowed out of the caryards. But I suppose the bloated, overweight owners of these four wheeled dinosaurs just can't fit into a normal car. The fact that they are bigger than the other road users doesn't give them the right to drive like a complete prick though.
And there you have it, my slightly abridged Queensland bad driver checklist. I could have gone on at length and given entire pages to each one, but who would read a diatribe like that?
If you doubt any of this then do my my job for one day and you will see all of these things before morning tea. Trust me.

Hasta Winnebago, The Tow Truck Guy.

Monday, 8 October 2012

Time to rant

Originally I was not going to use this blog as my own personal tirade diary. Things change. I have things to say to the world that cannot be screamed from my lounge in the living room.

Firstly. What the Australian Government is doing to Julian Paul Assange is criminal. Is this how Australians treat other Australians? What happened to the Aussie Spirit? Have the Australian Politicians become so full of their own importance that they believe they are better than the rest of us. That they somehow, deserve to be treated as an elite caste while the rest of us struggle just to get, and hold on to a job. So we can earn our pittance of a wage that barely covers the bills, while they ride around in limousines that we paid for.
Have the Australian Politicians forgotten what it means to be an Australian? I think so. What was it that my own Grandfather fought in two World Wars to protect? Was it so that we can ignore the requests of one of our own people when they are being harrassed by a foreign nation that has become too full of it's own importance? I think not! He fought in those wars to protect our way of life. To ensure that his decendants will be able to enjoy the kind of lifestyle that Australia was famous for. The kind of lifestyle that was The Australian Way Of Life, pure and simple.
I'm afraid to say that his efforts were in vain. The memory of all those Sons (and Daughters) Of Australia who dedicated their own existence to ensuring that no Australian will be left out in the cold has been, quite literally PISSED ON, by members of our own government. I will provide an example here.
Julia Gillard slandered WikiLeaks by stating in a radio show in 2010 that Assange had broken the law by releasing hundreds of thousands of US diplomatic cables.
“I absolutely condemn the placement of this information on the WikiLeaks website. It's a grossly irresponsible thing to do and an illegal thing to do,” So says the Queen of bullshit herself, Julia Gillard. And, contradicting the PM’s statement, Australian Federal Police conducted an investigation in 2010 and concluded that no breaches of the country’s law by Assange and WikiLeaks were found.
So, if this is the case then why are Australian Politicians still sucking the cocks of America? Why don't they all just bend over and let the American Defense Department fuck them up the arse?
I'm being deliberately blunt (in a very Australian way) here for a reason. Figure it out. You're intelligent people, aren't you? Australia has for too long now, been the 'She'll be right' country. She won't be right. Not while we allow our Politicians to do whatever they please with our money and our power. That's right. OUR POWER! We loan them power to enable them to be able to do things for us, not against us or to us. I look and listen, to our  Prime Minister and I see the death of our Australian lifestyle. Now I know I have singled out Julia, but she is in charge after all, and the buck stops there.
We all need to take a good hard look at what our Government is doing to us. Then, after everyone has realised that they're screwing us, then maybe we can get rid of these incompetent Political amateurs and put someone there that really is interested in Australia and all that it means.

So........To sum it all up. Australia (and Sweden) needs to take a leaf out of the Swedish Chef's book and stick America in a pot and cook it over a slow flame with a hearty 'Bork, Bork, Bork' thrown in for good measure. The American Empire, like The British Empire before it and The Roman Empire before that, is dying. Let it go. Don't drag Australia down with it. Don't kill off The Great Aussie Spirit that so many of our forefathers died to protect. And most of all, BRING JULIAN HOME.

Hasta Lumbago, The Tow Truck Guy.

Saturday, 28 May 2011

Equal Rights For Tow Truck Drivers!!

It seems that we tow truck drivers are missing out on the equality stakes. We are the only truck drivers in Queensland that are REQUIRED to work a twelve hour day. We are also the only truck drivers that receive an hourly rate that is UNDER the award wage. There is something drastically wrong here.

I shall clarify.....

I am out of bed at 5am, in the truck and logged on at 6:45am. I then work an unspecified number of hours, usually 7 or more, then have an unpaid half hour break. Then work until 7pm when I log off, hopefully at the base by then, if not, I have to get back to base sometimes up to a half hour late then log off and go home. I usually get home around 7:30pm unless I'm late logging off.
In that day I can do anything between 200 to 300 kilometers around Brisbane. I know that after 8 hours behind the wheel my concentration levels plummet. After 3 o'clock I have more close calls, near hits and plain bonehead mistakes than at any other time during the day.

Something has to be done about this. Now I don't know about you, but I really don't want some tired old bogan in 7 tonnes of tow truck barrelling around the streets of Brisbane while they're half asleep. It's just plain stupid when they can easily run two 8 hour shifts per day instead of having some guys working 10am untill 10pm and others working 6am untill 6pm. They could run one shift from 6am untill 2pm another from 2pm until 10pm. It's not rocket science.

And what's with the under award wage?? We are getting ripped off. If you look at what other truck drivers of the same size get, we should be on around $23.00 per hour not $18.00.

Having said all that, the companies are not interested in looking after their workers, it's all about the bottom line. How do they sleep easily knowing that they are working their drivers to death, or nervous breakdowns. I can't even afford the deposit on a cheap house, but my boss just bought a new one didn't he, and it isn't a cheap one either.

How about saving the sanity of the poor tow tow truck drivers people?? Maybe when one of us snaps and takes your car and tips it into the Brisbane River, huh? Maybe then people will take notice of us??

Oh well. That's my rant for today. Maybe I should approach the Union? Oh, that's right, I forgot! The Union is a powerless bunch of corrupt assholes more interested in protecting their own power base, than looking after the workers they're supposed to represent. What a load of crap!

See you 'round like a doughnut.

The Tow Truck Guy.