Picture the scene: I open an email, supposedly forwarded through professional circles. Imagine my surprise when upon perusal of said email, I find that it's from a nobody who wants to break into film and television as a creator. The gist of it was this; "I have lots of ideas that I want to put into script format. I have no writing skills. I cannot even spell PROPLY. I cannot pay you anything but, when the films are produced you may have a percentage. Yours sincerely, Com Plete Moron."
Now, can anyone tell me what is wrong with this picture? Hmmm? It never ceases to amaze me that some people can be so blatantly stupid. I have so many great ideas of my own that will probably never be produced, and here's some random wanker wanting me to spend weeks writing his up for free.
Add to all this the added insult from the person who forwarded the email to me with the message "Thought this might be up your street". I rang them thinking it was a joke. Apparently not. They were serious, and so with a hearty "FUCK YOU TOO", I hung up and deleted them from my world.
I did email the guy who wanted free script writing services, and suggested a couple of creative writing courses in his area. Also the book 'Creative Writing for Dummies' is a good standby. I don't mean to be insulting but facts is facts. If you can't write, go back to school.
It brings to mind a screenplay I wrote some eight years ago. During its six year development it went through six drafts, three final edits, a professional script adviser who recommended even more changes to scenes and plot. After all that it was finally REJECTED by the producer as "not his sort of film".
So. If anyone asks you to "help me write up my ideas for free". You may use my standard response and reply "Go To Hell!"
Sayonara, Suckers.
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