Thursday, 11 October 2012

How's My Driving?

Wow. Where do I start? I suppose I'll just have to get straight to the point. Queensland drivers are the worst I've ever encountered. I have been driving professionally (off and on) for about 20 years, and have done so in every state in Australia. In that time I've seen some pretty bad drivers doing some real bonehead things. Most Queensland drivers behave that way all the time. Examples? OK.
  1. Roundabouts - If they think they can make it through they just go for it, without indicating or incorrect use of indicators. They never give way to the right if they can help it.
  2. Traffic Lights - Amber means floor it. Red is just a slightly darker Amber.
  3. Courtesy - Nonexistant. Make sure you get as close to the car in front so that asshole in the merging lane can't get in. Right? Nope, wrong again.
  4. Common Sense - None. Cutting in front of that truck just before the red light you're stopping at is not a clever thing to do. Your rear number plate won't look good embedded into the back of your head.
  5. Commodores - If you own a Holden Commodore you have made it to the top of the Fuckwit pile. Queensland Commodore drivers are the very worst in the universe. Especially 'P' platers.
  6. Unroadworthy cars - I have never seen so many crapboxes on the road except in Queensland. Bald tires, fucked shocks, rust holes you can put your hand through, oil dripping constantly from the engine. smoke pouring out the exhaust. Just to name a few. Pathetic.
  7. Speeding - Everyone in Queensland breaks the speed limit. The only exeptions to the rule are, if they see a speed camera ahead, if there's a cop car in the vicinity or school zones (because of the speed cameras that may be lurking).
  8. Texting - This is mainly young women doing this but I have seen some guys doing it too. Braindead morons.
  9. Loud Music - Make sure that everyone within a five mile radius can hear what crap taste you have in music. Also good for drowning out the sound of those annoying emergency vehicle sirens.
  10. (Last but not least) Oversize Cars (e.g.4x4's) - These bloated, overweight heaps of garbage shouldn't be allowed out of the caryards. But I suppose the bloated, overweight owners of these four wheeled dinosaurs just can't fit into a normal car. The fact that they are bigger than the other road users doesn't give them the right to drive like a complete prick though.
And there you have it, my slightly abridged Queensland bad driver checklist. I could have gone on at length and given entire pages to each one, but who would read a diatribe like that?
If you doubt any of this then do my my job for one day and you will see all of these things before morning tea. Trust me.

Hasta Winnebago, The Tow Truck Guy.