Thursday 11 October 2012

How's My Driving?

Wow. Where do I start? I suppose I'll just have to get straight to the point. Queensland drivers are the worst I've ever encountered. I have been driving professionally (off and on) for about 20 years, and have done so in every state in Australia. In that time I've seen some pretty bad drivers doing some real bonehead things. Most Queensland drivers behave that way all the time. Examples? OK.
  1. Roundabouts - If they think they can make it through they just go for it, without indicating or incorrect use of indicators. They never give way to the right if they can help it.
  2. Traffic Lights - Amber means floor it. Red is just a slightly darker Amber.
  3. Courtesy - Nonexistant. Make sure you get as close to the car in front so that asshole in the merging lane can't get in. Right? Nope, wrong again.
  4. Common Sense - None. Cutting in front of that truck just before the red light you're stopping at is not a clever thing to do. Your rear number plate won't look good embedded into the back of your head.
  5. Commodores - If you own a Holden Commodore you have made it to the top of the Fuckwit pile. Queensland Commodore drivers are the very worst in the universe. Especially 'P' platers.
  6. Unroadworthy cars - I have never seen so many crapboxes on the road except in Queensland. Bald tires, fucked shocks, rust holes you can put your hand through, oil dripping constantly from the engine. smoke pouring out the exhaust. Just to name a few. Pathetic.
  7. Speeding - Everyone in Queensland breaks the speed limit. The only exeptions to the rule are, if they see a speed camera ahead, if there's a cop car in the vicinity or school zones (because of the speed cameras that may be lurking).
  8. Texting - This is mainly young women doing this but I have seen some guys doing it too. Braindead morons.
  9. Loud Music - Make sure that everyone within a five mile radius can hear what crap taste you have in music. Also good for drowning out the sound of those annoying emergency vehicle sirens.
  10. (Last but not least) Oversize Cars (e.g.4x4's) - These bloated, overweight heaps of garbage shouldn't be allowed out of the caryards. But I suppose the bloated, overweight owners of these four wheeled dinosaurs just can't fit into a normal car. The fact that they are bigger than the other road users doesn't give them the right to drive like a complete prick though.
And there you have it, my slightly abridged Queensland bad driver checklist. I could have gone on at length and given entire pages to each one, but who would read a diatribe like that?
If you doubt any of this then do my my job for one day and you will see all of these things before morning tea. Trust me.

Hasta Winnebago, The Tow Truck Guy.

Monday 8 October 2012

Time to rant

Originally I was not going to use this blog as my own personal tirade diary. Things change. I have things to say to the world that cannot be screamed from my lounge in the living room.

Firstly. What the Australian Government is doing to Julian Paul Assange is criminal. Is this how Australians treat other Australians? What happened to the Aussie Spirit? Have the Australian Politicians become so full of their own importance that they believe they are better than the rest of us. That they somehow, deserve to be treated as an elite caste while the rest of us struggle just to get, and hold on to a job. So we can earn our pittance of a wage that barely covers the bills, while they ride around in limousines that we paid for.
Have the Australian Politicians forgotten what it means to be an Australian? I think so. What was it that my own Grandfather fought in two World Wars to protect? Was it so that we can ignore the requests of one of our own people when they are being harrassed by a foreign nation that has become too full of it's own importance? I think not! He fought in those wars to protect our way of life. To ensure that his decendants will be able to enjoy the kind of lifestyle that Australia was famous for. The kind of lifestyle that was The Australian Way Of Life, pure and simple.
I'm afraid to say that his efforts were in vain. The memory of all those Sons (and Daughters) Of Australia who dedicated their own existence to ensuring that no Australian will be left out in the cold has been, quite literally PISSED ON, by members of our own government. I will provide an example here.
Julia Gillard slandered WikiLeaks by stating in a radio show in 2010 that Assange had broken the law by releasing hundreds of thousands of US diplomatic cables.
“I absolutely condemn the placement of this information on the WikiLeaks website. It's a grossly irresponsible thing to do and an illegal thing to do,” So says the Queen of bullshit herself, Julia Gillard. And, contradicting the PM’s statement, Australian Federal Police conducted an investigation in 2010 and concluded that no breaches of the country’s law by Assange and WikiLeaks were found.
So, if this is the case then why are Australian Politicians still sucking the cocks of America? Why don't they all just bend over and let the American Defense Department fuck them up the arse?
I'm being deliberately blunt (in a very Australian way) here for a reason. Figure it out. You're intelligent people, aren't you? Australia has for too long now, been the 'She'll be right' country. She won't be right. Not while we allow our Politicians to do whatever they please with our money and our power. That's right. OUR POWER! We loan them power to enable them to be able to do things for us, not against us or to us. I look and listen, to our  Prime Minister and I see the death of our Australian lifestyle. Now I know I have singled out Julia, but she is in charge after all, and the buck stops there.
We all need to take a good hard look at what our Government is doing to us. Then, after everyone has realised that they're screwing us, then maybe we can get rid of these incompetent Political amateurs and put someone there that really is interested in Australia and all that it means.

So........To sum it all up. Australia (and Sweden) needs to take a leaf out of the Swedish Chef's book and stick America in a pot and cook it over a slow flame with a hearty 'Bork, Bork, Bork' thrown in for good measure. The American Empire, like The British Empire before it and The Roman Empire before that, is dying. Let it go. Don't drag Australia down with it. Don't kill off The Great Aussie Spirit that so many of our forefathers died to protect. And most of all, BRING JULIAN HOME.

Hasta Lumbago, The Tow Truck Guy.